Usenet... the final frontier,
These are the annals of the SMG NG,
It's mission: to create ever more weird, new threads,
To write more and more off topic each day,
To boldly flame as none have flamed before...

We shall shortly be landing. Please return your stewardess to the upright position.

** Introduction **

1. What is alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar?
   A newsgroup on Usenet for the discussion of topics relating to Sarah Michelle Gellar. Click here to view it.

2. Do you need to have a special membership to join alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar?
   No, some people have interpreted our alternate brand of humour and some of our comments/jokes the wrong way, and assumed we don't want new people, or new people have to be selected or something. We don't mind new people. The only limitation is we don't want hundreds of new people, so the message count goes up too high. If you are a regular though, you can go on the People Profiles.

3. What is the charter of alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar?
   The Sarah Michelle Gellar newsgroup is a place of public discussion for Sarah Michelle Gellar. Since this group is not located under the binary hiearchy, binaries should not be posted. Advertisements of any sort are not permitted.

4. When I first join alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar, what should I do?
   Lurk for a bit and just read the posts. After that, post a message saying hello and tell us a bit about yourself.

   "We are insane.
   Lower your head and surrender your pills.
   We will add your social and financial information to our site.
   Your fridge will adapt to service us."

5. What can I discuss on alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar?

   Any of these:

   but NOT these:

   Electrical appliances, Friends, Aero Smith, Music in general, Buffy being cut, The Simpsons, Sarah's boyfriend, Cruel Intentions, Lesbian kissing, If Sarah is a lesbian, Acronyms, Anagrams, OE5, Netscape, Freeserve, Microsoft, AOL, Deja, Web sites, Newbies, Sarcasm, Jokes, Chat-up lines, Girls, Free Agent, The Great British Take-Over :), Winamp skins, IRC, Warner Bros., Programs, The FAQ, Small Soldiers, Sarah's e-mail address, Birthday cards, Christmas cards, Public addresses, Buffy, Exams, Pills, HTML, free ISP connections, Unreal, Linux, Usenet, etc.

   Parts of SMG's body which I had no part in, Naked photos, Fake naked photos, How wonderful and kind the BBC is, Whistles, Britney Spears' boob job, Ali G, Sybil Danning etc.

6. When was alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar created?
   The creation was filed and discussed in alt.config in July 1998 for two weeks and I *think* the it was actually created on Monday, 3rd August 1998. I have been here since about December 1998.

7. Where be the nudie piccies of Sarah?
   There aren't any real ones, so do NOT bother asking.

8. Where be the fake nudie piccies?
   Try http://www.i.am.a.sad.person.so-piss-off.co.u-gay . DO NOT ask for them on the newsgroup !

9. What is this newgroup supposed to be about?
   Sarah Michelle Gellar, but often we talk about electrical appliances (including mircowaves and computers).

10. What happens if Sarah actually comes here?
    We would welcome her, lots of times, but not so many we spam her, then we would probably just burst. :)
    (Be careful though, it may just be someone impersonating her!)

11. What does FAQ stand for?
    Frequently Asked Questions, although some of the questions on this page have never been asked...

12. What does SMG actually mean?
    Click here to find out...

    

    
    ** General Rules **

13. Can I post binary files to this newgroup?
    No. You should upload them to the web, then post the URL to the newgroup. If you do post a binary file here, you will be flamed.
    To quote Godfather:   "Many use a newsreader for offline browsing the idea being to save them time online which, in the UK where many members originate, costs money. This newsreader downloads all new posts to the group from the server and we subscribe to this group because we enjoy the discussion, not to download binaries that should not appear in the group. There is a designated group for this to happen - alt.binaries.sarah-m-gellar - and that is where binaries should be posted."

14. What are binary files?
    Binary files are any files that aren't "normal" text, e.g. Pictures, sounds, movies, ZIPS, etc. They are often larger than text files, and are sometimes removed by certain ISP from posts at alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar as it is a non-binary newsgroup.

15. Can I message along the lines of "If anyone here loves Sarah, give me a whistle"?
    NO !!

16. Are the people at this newgroup normal?
    It depends what you mean by normal...

17. Can we use smileys ?
    Yes, we like smileys :)

18. Who rules this newgroup?
    The British, but I personally rule the FAQ, the acronym collection, The S-M-Gellar Domain, The Buffy Domain, My Domain, The Red Dwarf Domain, The Jane Leeves Domain, Softham Enterprises, the birthday list, the people profiles and a few other things...

19. What is the maximum number of lines that I can use for a sig?
    There is no set maximum at the moment, but remember that the bigger it is, the slower this newgroup will become...

20. Can I advertise my web site on this newgroup?
    Yes, but only if it is to do with Sarah and/or Buffy. In sigs though, you can advertise whatever you want. You should post any messages regarding new SMG/Buffy sites in the "Website thread - POST ALL NEW URLS HERE" thread.

21. Am I allowed to spam people on this newsgroup?
    No, spamming is a sin !

    Noun: Spam
    1. (trademark) a tinned luncheon meat made largely from pork
    2. Unsolicited e-mail sent in bulk to many different people

22. What is a troll?
    A troll is either someone who spams the group continuously, someone who annoys the rest of the group, continuously posts crap, etc.

23. If a troll comes, what do I do?
    Flame them, then ignore them if they come back to the newsgroup. Also try and contact their ISP to report them. Alternatively, be nice and pleasant and kind - that often annoys them. :-)

24. Are there any important words that I should know?
    Yes, here's one:

    BOZO (noun) 1. A person whose ill-thought-out comments or verbal
    harassment put them beyond the pale of common sense and decency; a
    congenital moron. 2. A netter whom one has kicked into a killfile.

25. What are these ICQ numbers I see in people's sigs?
    Visit http://www.icq.com.
    "ICQ ('I Seek You') is a revolutionary; user-friendly Internet program that notifies you who’s online at all times and enables you to initiate contact with those people at any time. No longer will you search in vain for friends or associates on the Internet. ICQ does the searching for you alerting you in real time when they sign on." from the ICQ help file.
    My number is 32682531. Currently I am .

26. Where can I find out other peoples ICQ numbers?
    Click here... or search the ICQ site.

27. When I reply to a post, should I put my message at the top or bottom?
    IMHO if you reply at the top it makes it can make it more confusing to see what exactly the person is replying to. In long posts especially, the poster might want to reply to points throughout the previous post. What's to be done then? If the entire reply is written above the post, how are we to know to what point(s) the poster is replying?

    Most people reply at bottom anyway, and a few odd people replying at the top isn't that important. Just don't start demanding that everyone should always reply to the top, or you will be flamed.

28. Can I post messages here in HTML?
    You can, but I strongly suggest that you don't. Not everyone can read HTML messages and it increases the download time.

29. What is snipping?
    Removing an irrelevant part of a post and replacing it with or or nothing at all. Unless you are commenting on someone's sig, you should snip that.

30. Can can swear as much as I want?
    Yes, but please put *s in the words, e.g. cr*p, sh*t, f*ck and b*gger. This is because younger people visit the ng and be offended by it, or just start repeating it to their parents. Anyway, you don't f*cking well need to f*cking swear in every f*cking post you make. :)
    Even though kids are going to hear (and use) the words like that anyway, we don't want to get blamed for it. Also, there are some people who are a bit sensitive about it.

31. If I'm really angry, can I miss out the *s?
    Yes, but you should include about 20 lines of "swear space" at the start of the post so that people who are offending by it don't see it.

32. Can I ever miss out the *s in the subject line?
    No, all subjects lines must always be censored.

33. Did you hear about....?
    Spreading rumors is never a good idea. It can get you killfiled, flamed by hundreds of people, and kicked off mailing lists and more importantly, people may nuke you.

34. What is killfiling?
    It is a way of blocking posts of certain people so that you don't have to download them. It is sometimes also know as the "Blocked Senders List". This is useful for putting spammers and trolls in.

35. What is spoiler space?
    A large gap (at least 15 - 20 lines) with a warning. It is for separating stuff you know from stuff we don't. Most people haven't seen the Buffy episodes that haven't been on BB2 yet, so make sure that use spoiler space when you want to discuss them. Also, if commenting on a new film, don't talk about the end without using spoiler space or you will spoil it for other people.

36. People keep telling me to FOAD, what does this mean?
    It means that we think you suck and you should f*ck off and die.

37. I want some nude pictures of Sarah, will you send me some?
    Hmmmmmmmm....

38. When people post something in capital letters, what does this mean?
    It means that they are shouting, but this does not apply to acronyms.

39. What is "Slayers - The Blood Is The Life"?
    This short story is based freely upon "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"-series. Buffy has moved on to college, but is still slaying vampires. A new slayer has taken her place at the Sunnydale High School.
    It was written by Carsten, aka No Humor Man.

    

    
    ** The Regulars **

40. Who are the regulars at alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar?
    Sir Enix the Confuser (or just Enix)
    Gandalf
    Godfather
    Jamie, aka Potato Man
    Mark Sumner
    Mr Psycho
    Anik
    M. Vampire
    Dr Twister
    No Humor Man
    RichieH (gone?)
    Hannah Meecham (gone forever?)
    The Boy Monkfish (is he still here?)
    BuffyLover (is he still here?)
    Ben (is he still here?)
    M. Perry (is he still here?)
    andy1881 (gone?)
    SurferAl (hasn't posted for a while)
    PoKemon (touring the world atm)
    S.Honer² (in the USA atm)
    Mike Sivier (gone?)
    Nick (gone?)
    Marc Burrage (gone?)

41. Where can I find more information about the regulars?
    Click here... or ask them yourself.

42. Where can I find people's birthdays?
    Click here...

43. Where can I find some funny names?
    Click here...

44. RichieH said on the newgroup that he would email me something, why hasn't he?
    If he ever says he'll send you something, or posts a message asking if anyone wants something, please email him. He always manages to forget if you just post messages.

45. I don't understand what Enix is talking about, why not?
    Enix is completely crazy, possibly insane.

46. What does <Enix> mean?
    If you ever get totally confused and can't understand a post at all, just say <Enix>. It could also mean "WTFRUON?" or something. Enix's name got used because it usually involves his posts in some way or another... :)

47. Did you write all of this FAQ yourself?
    No, I wrote most of it though, but I would like to thank several people from alt.fan.sarah-m-gellar for contributing bits of it.

48. Are Jamie C and Kieran C the same person?
    Well they occupy the same physical body...

    

    
    ** Sarah Michelle Gellar **

49. Where can I get pictures/sounds/etc of Sarah?
    On the world wide web, via email, one usenet, in magazines, on posters, from the TV, etc.
    Goto http://www.planetx.com/~sonja/btvsurls/smgah.html for an extensive list of most SMG sites.

50. Does anyone know when Cruel Intensions came out in the UK?
    It was cinemas everywhere from June 18th, Rated 15.

51. Is Sarah a brown belt in TKD?
    We simply don't know.

52. Where does Sarah live?
    Earth, Sol System

53. When is Sarah's birthday?
    14th April 1977

54. Are you Sarah?
    I don't think so...

55. What is Sarah's postal address?
    I don't know, she is probably trying to keep it private, but you can send her fan mail to the address below:

    Sarah Michelle Gellar
    C/o Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    C/o The Warner Brothers Television Network
    4000 Warner Blvd
    Burbank, CA 91522

56. Does Sarah read all her fan mail personally?
    She used to read all her mail and send back a personalized autographed picture and sometimes, a hand written letter, but she just doesn't have time to read all of her mail and respond to everyone now.

57. Will I get something back if I write to her?
    Most people that send mail to the studio get sent back a 4x7 pre-printed autographed picture of Sarah from the WB studio fan mail department.

58. Earlier this year, a birthday card was sent to Sarah. Was there any reply?
    This post made by Mike Sivier answers the question:

    "It seems very clear to me, now, that the card was received by that
    department, opened by one of its drones, scanned for a return address,
    and the pic sent off without any thought for its content.

    ... Especially since I included a little letter saying this had been a
    group effort by lots of us so it would by pointless sending a signed
    pic back.

    There's no kind of personal touch as even the signature is printed on.

    I can only conclude that if any of YOU want SMG to read any mail you
    may choose to send her, you should avoid the studio address at all
    costs. Someone did mention this to me, unfortunately after I'd sent
    the card, but now I have visual proof of the truth of their words."

59. Who is Sarah's agent?
    Gellar is managed by Booh Schut and repped by ICM agent JoAnne Colonna and attorney Deborah Klein.

    Booh Schut Agency
    11350 Ventura Blvd. #206
    Studio City, CA 91604
    (818)-760-6669

60. Where can I get some of Sarah's DNA to clone her with?
    I'm not telling you !

61. What is Sarah's home telephone number/e-mail address?
    I don't know, please don't ask me. If you want to get in touch with her, write to her at the studio. Anyway, she would want to keep it private.

62. Has Sarah ever posed nude?
    No, so do NOT bother asking !

63. Have you ever met Sarah?
    No

64. What films has SMG been in?
    Click here to find out...

65. I heard that Sarah is dead. Is it true?
    No

66. How long has Sarah been acting?
    Sarah has been acting for 17 years. She started when she was 4.

67. Is Sarah a lesbian? I saw a picture of her kissing a girl!
    The picture you saw came from one of Sarah's movie entitled Cruel Intentions. The role called for a kissing scene with another girl, Selma Blair. The key word is role, and does not mean anything about her personally.

68. Does Sarah have any tattoos?
    She has 2 tattoos. One is the chinese symbol for integrity on the small of her back. And another chinese symbol on the inside of her right ankle.

69. What colour are Sarah's eyes?
    Green

70. Where was Sarah born?
    New York City

71. What are Sarah's favourite things?

    Colour:	red
    Food:	pasta
    Movie:	Heathers
    TV Show:	Seinfeld
    Actors:	Tom Cruise, Daniel Day-Lewis
    Actress:	Stockard Channing
    Season:	Summer
    Vacation Spot:	Bermuda
    Book:	Gone With the Wind
    Hobbies:	Ice Skating, Scuba Diving, Shopping
    Sports:	Ice Skating, Football
    Sports Team:	New York Giants
    Piece of Clothing:	Motorcycle Jacket
    Music:	Billy Joel

    

If you have any comments, suggestion, or hate-mail concerning this FAQ, please email me at Jamie@cheetham14.freeserve.co.uk

Do not upload this to FAQ to anywhere on the internet or otherwise distribute it without permission of Jamie Cheetham. Feel free to tell people to goto http://www.s-m-gellar.8m.com/faq.htm instead.

This article is provided as is without any express or implied warranties. While some effort has been taken to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this article, the author assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for deaths, destruction of the Earth or other damaged resulting from the use of the information contained within.

Copyright © 1999-2000 by Jamie Cheetham, all rights reserved.

Supporting 98 Cordelia Mansions & The Realm Of The Slayer's Stop Cutting Buffy on BBC2 Campaign !